Archived Lunations:
Faith When it Seems Hopeless
New Moon
June 22, 2009
1 Cancer 30’
I tried to give up, but the minute I laid the burden down, the inner voice picked it up. “Call Brian,” the voice said. This had been lingering on my “to do” list. Then the voice told me that it was not too late, that I could still realize my goals. Further instruction said that if I did the first thing, the next thing would appear. And I heard:
“You want this. You cannot make an exception to the rule that money cannot be the determiner of going for your desires. If you make an exception this time, there will be no end to exceptions, and your life will be a spinning wheel going nowhere.”
So I made a choice. I would attend the seminar in Dallas. Once I made that choice, the next step of my way was provided. And it wasn’t a to-do. It was a cash gift!
And I got an even bigger gift. I got an education on nurturing a goal when it seems impossible.
I was probably in the exact same position last year when I wanted to go to Dallas for the first time. It seemed impossible, but I was bright-eyed and enthusiastic. I simply made a picture of myself in the arena of the Dallas Convention Center saying, “I’m here. I did it. Another miracle.” I never let myself stop believing and it happened. I found myself in the Convention Center surrounded by strength, hope, enthusiasm, spirit, and conviction. I made sure I said the words I imaged myself saying.
This time, I could not get myself to make the picture. Same exact picture would do. I did not have to be creative, but I couldn’t do it. It seemed stupid to do it. I was too aware of my limits.
As soon as something kicked in giving me a two-word instruction, and elaborating that I could do it, I began to believe. I began to feel it. I made the picture. The gift was the understanding that the question of making the image was really the question of asking myself if I should nurture the goal that the picture represents. Could I put time, work, and faith into what seemed like a hopeless situation? I didn’t want to look stupid, pursuing a goal that would not come to fruition. I was down on myself, ladies and gentlemen, because in my mind, I had already failed. When you think poorly of yourself, you abandon yourself. You don’t support yourself. You don’t do constructive dreaming.
So the choice was, pursue and fail (and possibly succeed), or give up and fail, and definitely not succeed! I decided for the egg on my face, humility, and humiliation if necessary. I would pursue even if I failed.
And something wonderful happened with the decision: the gift of energy. I was on my own side again—in my corner again—believing in myself again. I could feel, taste, touch, see, smell, and hear the victory. I was managing my emotions.
When I looked back on when I hit a low and briefly gave up, it was Monday evening the 8th of June and the Moon had recently gone over Pluto. I point this time out so that you can reflect on whether you might have had a low point at that time also. This was characteristic of Moon (emotions) and Pluto (destruction). I think this position should be noted because the position of the Moon, as well as the Sun at this New Moon, is now opposite Pluto. So we are again dealing with pursuing or abandoning.
Nurturing is a quality associated with the sign Cancer. At its root, this New Moon transit has to do with nurturing and keeping alive, or starving and letting die. Do I feed it? Do I kill it? Do I stick with it, and maybe die with it? Do I stick with it and resurrect it, rise with and through it? It also asks if you are able to manage your emotions. Can you hold on through the storm of doubt? Can you be your own angel and advocate when you feel weak and unworthy? Can you invoke a formula that will get you over and see you through? Can you manage your own fortress when assailed? Can you affirm the vision when your view is dismal and appearances say, no way? The New Moon also conjuncts the asteroid Vesta. Can you stay focused and on target through trauma? Can you remember to call on a higher power for strength? Don’t be swayed by the world of appearances. Recognize that you are not limited to your own devices. Don’t give up in despair; give up to your higher mind. Let nothing outside (or within) make you adjust your personal assessment downward.
In Tarot, Cancer is Key 7, The Chariot. Seven symbolizes victory. All the power that ever was or will be is here now. Imagine Victory. Imagine success. Nurture it. Live in it. Dwell in it. Accept the magic and the power, the charm, blessings and love of the Universe. Feel it. Go forth.